If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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