We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
