I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
