dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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