he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
