I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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