today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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