my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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