Someone shit on the floor
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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