Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize