her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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