i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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