I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
