Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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