I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
