Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
