Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
