Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
