youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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