I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
