Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
