I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize