So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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