and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just puked most of my soul out..
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