marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
