She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
