Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
