Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So vagazzling was a success
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
