So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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