I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
