they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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