I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
