Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
