i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
