yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
