she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
