My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
