i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
