it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
