if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
