oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
