i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
