ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My bed smells like the plague
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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