im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
