Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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