my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
