Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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