Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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