I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
