his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
