The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
