I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
