TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize