I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Moan for me like Helen Keller
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
