i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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