I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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