I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My bed smells like the plague
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
