I can text with my tongue
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
