The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
