her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
