My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
