Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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