oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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