I think i peed on brittanys purse
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
